Caveat Emptor in ‘Scamerica’

Last week, one of my students drew my attention to a radio advertisement touting a “revolutionary” new speed reading course. “In just 7 minutes you could be reading up to 1000 percent faster, enabling you to read 10 books in the time it presently takes you to read one book. And you can try out this course absolutely free. Call now for your free trial.”

First of all, nothing about reading is “revolutionary” – reading is like breathing – you either do it well or you do it badly. Then they don’t tell you that, for the free trial, you will need to pay a bundle for the shipping (which is pretty standard) and handling (which is where they cover the cost of the free trial!). Nor do they tell you that they will need your credit card details to bill you 5 easy payments of $50 if you forget to cancel your order before the free trial ends.

And they don’t tell you that you could also invest the shipping and handling money in the lottery where you COULD win $300 million, enabling you to run for President of the United States and never have to read a book or newspaper again!

The critical consumer will see through this marketing ploy. “In just 7 minutes you COULD be …” does not mean you WILL be. In fact, the word COULD means everything and nothing. Ask those who COULD have made a fortune investing in the stock market. Similarly, “…. reading up to 1000 percent faster” covers everything between 0 percent and 1000 percent.

But since the critical consumer is about as commonly found as geographically-savvy Republican vice-presidential nominees, I suppose I should try for a bit of one-upmanship with my latest advertising proposal … which is infinitely more accurate. “In just ONE minute, you WILL be reading 50 percent to 20,000 percent faster without losing comprehension. Guaranteed or your money back. Send your payment of $595 now!” You don’t believe this? Try me!